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I've had quite a few appointments since my last entry. At 33 weeks, I was only measuring 29 weeks... so they did an ultrasound to make sure there weren't any problems. The little guy is on the small side; he was in the 25-29th percentile at that time with an estimated weight of about five pounds. I figured this wasn't a big deal since he still had a month of growing time left. They found, though, that my fluid levels (my own levels and that of the amniotic fluid) were pretty low and put me on bed rest for the week. I had another ultrasound the following week where they told me my levels were up a little but still advised continued bedrest.
Two weeks of my accumulated sick leave is now down the drain. I suppose I needed the time off to keep myself and Little Ninja well, but now that means less paid time off after he's here.
Anyway, we went in for another ultrasound this past week and my fluid levels are lower than last week. They're still a little better than the first time, but I NEED to drink more. It would help if I could stop getting sick and if my heartburn wasn't constant. Grrrrr.
Dave and I took a childbirth class last Saturday and this Saturday. It really seemed like all of the material could have been presented in a DVD/video format that patients could check out from the hospital or watch in a room there or something. It was pretty uncomfortable sitting in the sparsely padded chairs for a four-hour class. She gave us breaks... but still. Oh well. I found out that my hospital *does* offer vegetarian and strict vegan food options, so I want to call the Food and Nutrition manager and see what they actually have available (and to make sure there's stuff there when I come in to deliver). I'll still definitely pack my own snacks and have Dave or someone bring in some of my soy ice cream, tho'. :)
I found a lone bed bug crawling around on one of the bathroom rugs at the beginning of the week, so I guess our efforts with diatomaceous earth didn't fully do the job. It could have been the only remaining one from our little ordeal months ago, but we didn't want to risk anything with the little guy on the way. (Neither of us had gotten bitten at all after all of this time, and this was the only one we had seen in months.) Five hundred dollars later, the Terminix guys told us they didn't find any more bed bugs when they used their machines around the most common suspect areas. We're under contract to have them come quarterly, though, for the next year at an additional cost of $100 each time... so it's actually going to cost $800 for the treatment. Sigh. At least we're "safe" now and can call them back any time within the next year if we happen to find any more.
Now that this weight's off our shoulders, Dave's trying to get the bedroom back in order and then we can FINALLY start putting the baby's room together. With all of the diatomaceous earth that he sprinkled down, it's quite a task trying to vacuum it up. All of the dust clouds-up and is making it hard for him to be in there long. Little by little, I guess.
I have weekly appointments from here on out due to the low fluid levels. Hopefully I can get them up more and more and keep this little one healthy.
The one thing I like about pregnancy is laying on the couch and watching my belly change shape when he kicks and moves around. It makes me laugh more than anything. I want to get my digital camera out and film it one of these days. ;P Aside from that, I really don't think I'll miss much about pregnancy. I can't wait for the heartburn and vomiting to go away! I guess I'll miss my days of NOT worrying about the little being I brought into the world, but I'm so ready for this little guy to be here! Sorta. :P
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Sunday, December 20, 2009
Saturday, November 7, 2009
Moving Along Slowly
The little guy is apparently doing well and growing just fine. I had another appointment on Thursday and have another one in two more weeks. I can still feel him moving around at times, but it seems like he's moving less than he used to. Is this normal? I'm figuring that maybe he has less room inside there now so maybe he's just comfy? Or is he sleeping more? Any input would be appreciated. I have the whole worried-mom thing going on already. :P
Here's a picture of me on Thursda
y. It really doesn't look like my tummy's growing very much, does it? I'm guessing that maybe I'll start getting HUGE in another month or so. Not that I really WANT to look or get humongous, but some people still don't know that I'm pregnant since I've always worn fairly loose-fitting clothes. It's only when I wear maternity shirts that I actually even look a little pregnant. I'm definitely starting to get tired again more easily and more often, though. Just another month-and-a-half until winter break at school/work, so I'm pretty excited about that. And just a little over two months until my anticipated due date.
I'm too lazy to look back to see if I already posted about this last time, but I'm now getting heartburn with just about EVERYTHING that I eat. It's quite annoying, but I guess it's another one of those pregnancy side-effects that's pretty common. I'm just crossing my fingers and hoping like mad that my all-day-long morning sickness doesn't return towards the end like it does for some women. Think "happy tummy" thoughts for me, please?
So far I haven't had any swelling in my feet or ankles, haven't had any Braxton Hicks contractions, round ligament pain, or much other pain or discomfort aside from the sickness and heartburn... so I guess I should be thankful. Also, I keep reminding myself how lucky I am that the little one is still cozy inside and hasn't come early (too early). And also that there haven't been any major indications of anything wrong with him. I hope everything continues to go smoothly and that he's a strong, healthy little guy when he's born. Dave's insistent that our little boy is going to be just fine - perfect. I just hope that's the case. Positive thoughts... positive thoughts.
Here's a picture of me on Thursda
y. It really doesn't look like my tummy's growing very much, does it? I'm guessing that maybe I'll start getting HUGE in another month or so. Not that I really WANT to look or get humongous, but some people still don't know that I'm pregnant since I've always worn fairly loose-fitting clothes. It's only when I wear maternity shirts that I actually even look a little pregnant. I'm definitely starting to get tired again more easily and more often, though. Just another month-and-a-half until winter break at school/work, so I'm pretty excited about that. And just a little over two months until my anticipated due date.I'm too lazy to look back to see if I already posted about this last time, but I'm now getting heartburn with just about EVERYTHING that I eat. It's quite annoying, but I guess it's another one of those pregnancy side-effects that's pretty common. I'm just crossing my fingers and hoping like mad that my all-day-long morning sickness doesn't return towards the end like it does for some women. Think "happy tummy" thoughts for me, please?
So far I haven't had any swelling in my feet or ankles, haven't had any Braxton Hicks contractions, round ligament pain, or much other pain or discomfort aside from the sickness and heartburn... so I guess I should be thankful. Also, I keep reminding myself how lucky I am that the little one is still cozy inside and hasn't come early (too early). And also that there haven't been any major indications of anything wrong with him. I hope everything continues to go smoothly and that he's a strong, healthy little guy when he's born. Dave's insistent that our little boy is going to be just fine - perfect. I just hope that's the case. Positive thoughts... positive thoughts.
Friday, October 30, 2009
Sunday, October 25, 2009
Two-and-a-half more months?! NOOOOO!
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Me and the little chickadee... yesterday... at 28 weeks, 6 days
(almost seven months along)----->
Is it wrong to call a boy a "chickadee"?
I went in for another appointment this past Thursday. I'm up to twice-a-month appointments now. Generally this would have been just another "nothing" appointment (weight, urine sample, blood pressure, heartbeat check of the baby, tummy measurement), but I needed to have my placenta checked to see if it had moved and also had to do the glucose screen to make sure that I haven't developed gestational diabetes. No one told me to request the drink for the glucose test as soon as I got there, so the lab woman was a little peeved when I told her that I hadn't taken it yet at 11:30.
You're supposed to fast beginning at midnight the night before the test, so I hadn't eaten anything all day and it was already lunch time. The lab tech asked if I could come back in thirty minutes since she was scheduled to break for lunch, but I told her that I had only scheduled a half-day off from work. I told her that no one had instructed me to come in and ask for the drink, but that if I had no other choice than to come back that I guessed I would do so. She grumbled a bit about having to miss her lunch and placed the drink on the counter, "Go ahead." So I chugged it down (not too bad... kinda like orange soda or a highly sweetened orange Kool-Aid) and then had to wait in the lobby for an hour before she called me back to draw my blood. For as many times as she draws blood each day, she's pretty crappy at her job. Granted it was a little more difficult to find a vein this time since I hadn't eaten or drinken anything, but she had to poke me like three or four times to find a spot. I've ended up with bruises all over my inner elbow before from this woman in the past as have my co-workers who see the same OB/GYN. She said that I would definitely get a call the next day if the bloodwork came back positive for GD. I didn't get a call, so I'm assuming that I'm fine. I guess I'll find out for sure at my next appointment in two weeks. I love the professionalism of businesses these days.
Oh, my placenta moved a good 6cm out of the way, so everything should be good to go for a regular vaginal delivery as long as nothing else pops up before it's time.
I'm getting so impatient to set up the little guy's room. Sara, the teacher whose class I work in, dropped off her son's crib this week. He's two years old now and has a toddler bed, so she's letting me have his crib. Her and her husband have been trying for baby #2 for a while, so if that ends up happening, I'll pass the crib back to her if she still needs it when our little man outgrows it. Otherwise, she said to just pass it on to someone else.
I used the gift card my
aunt and uncle sent me to buy the bedding set that I wanted (picture to the left), and then I bought some flat wood circles at the craft store that I plan on painting with pictures of the animals from the bedding so that there's some kind of coordinating artwork/wall decor in the room. It should be pretty cute.
Anyway, I have to wait for Dave to come up for a few days again so he can maybe move my dad's desk and computer out of there so we have room for the changing table and a bookcase. I really don't like the idea of an office/baby room. I really wasn't planning on being here with the baby at all, but sometimes life forces you down a different path than you intend.
I have a lot to do before the baby comes, but I still have a lot of time. Ten weeks doesn't sound like a very long time, but when you think of it in terms of months... two-and-a-half months seems like forEVER. Especially when you've already been pregnant and dealing with all of the loveliness that accompanies that for the past six months - the morning sickness, the peeing when you cough or sneeze, congestion that comes out of nowhere, sleepless nights, bizarre dreams, the odd cramps, and so on. Granted not everyone has all of these symptoms (and some have a lot more and a lot worse), but that's what it's been for me... and I'm already ready for it to be over with and to have my little one in my arms. I have no idea what life's going to be like afterwards - work, insurance, child care, etc. -, but I'm just tired of waiting!
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Me and the little chickadee... yesterday... at 28 weeks, 6 days
(almost seven months along)----->Is it wrong to call a boy a "chickadee"?
I went in for another appointment this past Thursday. I'm up to twice-a-month appointments now. Generally this would have been just another "nothing" appointment (weight, urine sample, blood pressure, heartbeat check of the baby, tummy measurement), but I needed to have my placenta checked to see if it had moved and also had to do the glucose screen to make sure that I haven't developed gestational diabetes. No one told me to request the drink for the glucose test as soon as I got there, so the lab woman was a little peeved when I told her that I hadn't taken it yet at 11:30.
You're supposed to fast beginning at midnight the night before the test, so I hadn't eaten anything all day and it was already lunch time. The lab tech asked if I could come back in thirty minutes since she was scheduled to break for lunch, but I told her that I had only scheduled a half-day off from work. I told her that no one had instructed me to come in and ask for the drink, but that if I had no other choice than to come back that I guessed I would do so. She grumbled a bit about having to miss her lunch and placed the drink on the counter, "Go ahead." So I chugged it down (not too bad... kinda like orange soda or a highly sweetened orange Kool-Aid) and then had to wait in the lobby for an hour before she called me back to draw my blood. For as many times as she draws blood each day, she's pretty crappy at her job. Granted it was a little more difficult to find a vein this time since I hadn't eaten or drinken anything, but she had to poke me like three or four times to find a spot. I've ended up with bruises all over my inner elbow before from this woman in the past as have my co-workers who see the same OB/GYN. She said that I would definitely get a call the next day if the bloodwork came back positive for GD. I didn't get a call, so I'm assuming that I'm fine. I guess I'll find out for sure at my next appointment in two weeks. I love the professionalism of businesses these days.
Oh, my placenta moved a good 6cm out of the way, so everything should be good to go for a regular vaginal delivery as long as nothing else pops up before it's time.
I'm getting so impatient to set up the little guy's room. Sara, the teacher whose class I work in, dropped off her son's crib this week. He's two years old now and has a toddler bed, so she's letting me have his crib. Her and her husband have been trying for baby #2 for a while, so if that ends up happening, I'll pass the crib back to her if she still needs it when our little man outgrows it. Otherwise, she said to just pass it on to someone else.
I used the gift card my
aunt and uncle sent me to buy the bedding set that I wanted (picture to the left), and then I bought some flat wood circles at the craft store that I plan on painting with pictures of the animals from the bedding so that there's some kind of coordinating artwork/wall decor in the room. It should be pretty cute.Anyway, I have to wait for Dave to come up for a few days again so he can maybe move my dad's desk and computer out of there so we have room for the changing table and a bookcase. I really don't like the idea of an office/baby room. I really wasn't planning on being here with the baby at all, but sometimes life forces you down a different path than you intend.
I have a lot to do before the baby comes, but I still have a lot of time. Ten weeks doesn't sound like a very long time, but when you think of it in terms of months... two-and-a-half months seems like forEVER. Especially when you've already been pregnant and dealing with all of the loveliness that accompanies that for the past six months - the morning sickness, the peeing when you cough or sneeze, congestion that comes out of nowhere, sleepless nights, bizarre dreams, the odd cramps, and so on. Granted not everyone has all of these symptoms (and some have a lot more and a lot worse), but that's what it's been for me... and I'm already ready for it to be over with and to have my little one in my arms. I have no idea what life's going to be like afterwards - work, insurance, child care, etc. -, but I'm just tired of waiting!
Saturday, October 10, 2009
Another "nothing" appointment and a wonderful baby shower...
Friday was my second "nothing" appointment since the ultrasound. They took my weight and blood pressure, listened to the baby's heartbeat, and measured me again. The doctor said the baby seems to be measuring normal and that his heart rate is great... but that they found some white blood cells and protein in my urine.
Apparently I possibly have a bladder infection?? I had no clue. I've never had one before and haven't noticed anything out of the ordinary. Anyway, he prescribed me something that's supposedly safe for the baby (which I still need to drop of the prescription for somewhere to have filled... oops) and said they'd call me on Monday with a definite answer. I guess they have to send the sample of to a lab or something. *shrug* Aside from that, everything's good.
I have another appointment in two weeks to get tested (blood drawn) for gestational diabetes and for them to check on my placenta previa. They said it was only marginal (not "complete"), so hopefully it's moved up to where it should be by now. Fingers crossed.
I've been feeling the little guy kick off and on throughout the day just about every day now since a few days after the ultrasound. It's a reassuring feeling... knowing that he's in there moving around. I'm sure the kicks won't be quite as "fun" as time goes by. I've heard a lot about babies kicking hard in the ribs and am not looking forward to that!
My mom threw me a baby shower today which went well. I only have a few friends in the area - mostly co-workers -, so it was a pretty small gathering. That's fine, though, as it was at her (my mom's) house... which is pretty small. I don't think we would have been very comfortable if there had been more than another person or two there!
She made all of the food vegetarian, and most of it was vegan. She tries so hard but doesn't always pay attention to the fine print of ingredients... so she overlooks the fact that it clearly states (for allergy purposes) that something contains eggs and/or milk. I think with everything, though, there were really only two things that weren't vegan - some veggie "chicken" patties and some cheese cubes that she had as an appetizer on skewers with some sugar-coated grapes. We made a veggie tray with baby carrots, grape tomatoes, cauliflower, and cucumbers... a fruit tray with strawberries, grapes, and kiwi... veggie burgers and chicken patties on buns... vegan herbed cream cheese and vegan herbed sour cream for crackers and the veggies... a black bean-corn-red pepper-mango salsa/salad... a tomato-green onion-cilantro salsa... and then had tortilla chips. I love color contrasts with food, so everything looked fabulous. I arranged the fruit and veggie trays and was quite pleased with how they looked. :P
My mom found a picture of a layered cake with strawberries and kiwi in the middle and on top with a whipped topping and tried her best to make it vegan using soy yogurt and blending in some powdered sugar. It didn't stay together very well... the soy yogurt was a lot softer than she had anticipated... but it tasted delicious! It was all so good and everyone was stuffed. (And now... hours later... I have horrible heartburn!) I'd post pictures, but we only used my mom's camera... so I'll have to post them whenever she sends them to me in an email.
I received a lot of items that were on my registry and several things that weren't but that are super-cute or that will come in handy as the baby grows. I ended up with two baby memory books - one from my mom that wasn't on my registry and one from one of my co-workers that was. So now I don't know what to do. I hate returning things that family got for me... but I really don't need two of basically the same thing. :/ Hmmmmm.
Dave's currently in Las Vegas with one of the guys for whom he works. The guy always wanted to go to Vegas, so his mom (who lives in California) paid for him and Dave to fly out there and meet them there. Dave's still working while he's there obviously (and more shifts than usual), but it's nice that he gets an all expenses paid trip to somewhere that he's never been. He's never had paid vacation time anywhere that he's worked ever since we've been together, so this is much deserved. They went to see Cirque du Soleil last night and were going to see Penn and Teller tonight. I guess their hotel is huge. Dave was telling me tonight that he got lost for about 25 minutes just in the hotel itself. :P
He said he bought the baby a little Las Vegas - well, Nevada - license plate with the name that we've pretty much chosen and stuck with so far - Jakob. Only apparently Dave didn't hear me (or wasn't paying attention is probably more like it!) when I told him that we'd spell it with a "k" rather than a "c" so that his name would at least be a little different... and so that when you shorten it to "Jake", the "k" is already there. I mean, really... doesn't it make more sense to spell it like that rather than to spell it with a "c" and have to change it to a "k" for the nickname?! I think so! :P So, he's going to see if he can find one with a "k" before he comes back home. It's so cute the way he's always thinking about the little guy. He's so excited at the thought of being a daddy. :)
It's been pretty hard living apart all of this time. It would have been nice to have Dave around more this summer when I was sick constantly, but it's going to be even more difficult over the next month or so as I get bigger and start having a harder time doing things normally. He's planning on moving up here in December (yes, the plans have changed once again), but I just want him here now. :( He wants to stay down there and work as long as he can so he can save up money, though. The job market is pretty slim, and I can't imagine it'll be any better around Christmastime. So, I guess I can understand. I just don't like it.
My dad decided to go ahead and sell the furniture that he had bought at auctions over the summer (in anticipation of us moving out of here), so there's some room in his "office" for the baby's crib and changing table. Now I just need to convince him to stay down in Phoenix for a year since certainly he wouldn't want to be awoken by a screaming/crying baby throughout the night every night next spring and summer (if he makes his annual trip back here for his six-month stay). :P You wouldn't want to wake up to that if you were 60+, would you?! Honestly, I didn't intend to still be here after our first year back from Seattle. And I definitely didn't intend to be here past this last summer when Dave and I had planned on moving into the little fixer-upper trailer that he had bought down in Carbondale. But the mesocyclone demolished that little idea... and our not-great credit scores prevented us from obtaining the home loan we were hoping for. Sigh. Life happens, though, right? It's so frustrating, though. I feel like such a loser living in my dad's house at my age... and with a baby on the way. Hopefully this will be the last year and then we can find our own place... SOMEWHERE!
I want to start posting more pictures on here, so I'll start with this one. This is me and the little guy a few weeks ago (at about 24 weeks, I think). I'm finally starting to show a little. One of the speech therapists at work had no clue I was even pregnant until someone told her the other day. She commented that it looked like I had lost weight... which I did and still haven't gained half of it back yet... so I told her about my "fun" summer of sickness. I've been trying to wear more actual maternity shirts so that I look pregnant rather than just my chubby old self. That helps a little.
Three more months exactly until my estimated due date... and that seems SO far away. I'm sure with work and the holidays and everything that the time will fly by, but I'm just so anxious for him to BE here. There's so much still to do and to think about, but I'm tired of waiting already! I know the last month is probably going to be the worst... especially since I'll be on winter break from school (work) and have nothing to think about except how much I want him out of my belly! I still need to talk with the human resources person at work and figure out how to set up my maternity leave and if/how I can use my vacation time and sick leave for part of it so that I'm not completely without a paycheck for however many months I decide to stay at home afterwards. I need to look into the labor and delivery class at the hospital, too, and sign Dave and myself up for one in November or December. Oooh... AND I need to see about getting WIC and state medical/health coverage for the little one. Because I really can't afford to put him on my insurance with what little I make. Urg. I'm such a procrastinator and hate having to be "responsible". Can't someone just do all of this FOR me?! :P
Thursday, September 17, 2009
September Update
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A month in between doctor appointments and a month in between posts. :P
My last appointment was just a "nothing appointment". They weighed me and took my blood pressure and then the doctor asked if I/we had any questions. I asked about the placenta previa and she stated that mine was noted as just being "marginal", so hopefully everything should be fine and the placenta will move up where it's supposed to be over the next few months. I asked again about the "white spot" on the baby's heart and she said that if the baby doesn't have Downs that the spot will dissolve over the course of the pregnancy. We got to hear his heartbeat again and then set up the next "nothing appointment" for next month. Two weeks after that one, I'll be tested for gestational diabetes... which I need to research more on before then.
I've still been getting sick about once or twice a week, but I'm actually eating fairly well for the most part. It's actually been almost two weeks now since my last "episode", so I'm hoping that it stays that way more often. Still no cravings (yet?) and I've only had a fleeting fancy for chocolate (brownies or cupcakes!) a few days ago... but that's passed. I think I've gained about five pounds back now of the 18 that I lost with my sickness. I've been reading a lot of postings on baby/parenting websites from women who were about my weight when they first got pregnant (due the same month as I am) who have gained 30-40 pounds or more and am actually pretty glad that I was sick for so long and lost the weight that I did. It definitely wasn't anything I wish to experience again, but I'm hopeful that I'll only have 10 or 20 pounds to lose instead of 30-50! Then again, I tend to think that I've gained a lot of will power and self-control over the last year or so when it comes to refraining from stuffing myself with junk. :P So I'm sure that makes a difference, too.
Over the last few weeks, I've managed to turn my sadness around as to having a boy. I've found several cute little outfits and have been doing a lot of reflecting on the little boys that I know and have known over the years. Now I just can't wait to meet him! :) I've also been doing a lot of thinking about gender stereotypes and hope we can find a good balance. I have a lot of pastel yellow and pastel green outfits for his first several months (along with some more "traditional" colors and "boy" styles), but it's pretty hard finding gender-neutral clothing after the age of one or two. I bought a light pink polo shirt yesterday at Target (for 3-6 months) that has a simple neckline, white buttons, plain sleeves, and a little red crab embroidered on it. It's a cute summer shirt that I personally think could be for either a boy or a girl... although I'm sure I know what strangers will think when they see him in it... "Oh, what a cute little girl!". I bought the blue one that's just like it and it has a whale on it. I would've bought both of them if I was having a girl, too. We'll see what Dave has to say. Not that it'll matter much to me, though. I'll let the little guy choose for himself. :) As far as the "big picture", though, it's not just about the colors.
On Sunday, I started feeling him kick and even saw my tummy move at one point! I've felt him moving around just about every day now, and it's so exciting and reassuring. He seems to be more active in the evening and at nighttime. Hopefully that's not an indicator of how his sleeping pattern is going to be when he arrives!
I'm approaching the six month marker soon. It's seems like the time has gone by pretty fast, but four more months seems like an eternity! I'm just now starting to show... if I wore skin-tight clothes. Most people who don't know me probably have no clue that I'm pregnant, though. I look the same now as I did pre-pregnancy. I can tell, though... and that's all that really matters. I'm sure I'll probably look/feel HUGE by the end, and I'm really not in any hurry to experience everything that goes along with that. :P
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A month in between doctor appointments and a month in between posts. :P
My last appointment was just a "nothing appointment". They weighed me and took my blood pressure and then the doctor asked if I/we had any questions. I asked about the placenta previa and she stated that mine was noted as just being "marginal", so hopefully everything should be fine and the placenta will move up where it's supposed to be over the next few months. I asked again about the "white spot" on the baby's heart and she said that if the baby doesn't have Downs that the spot will dissolve over the course of the pregnancy. We got to hear his heartbeat again and then set up the next "nothing appointment" for next month. Two weeks after that one, I'll be tested for gestational diabetes... which I need to research more on before then.
I've still been getting sick about once or twice a week, but I'm actually eating fairly well for the most part. It's actually been almost two weeks now since my last "episode", so I'm hoping that it stays that way more often. Still no cravings (yet?) and I've only had a fleeting fancy for chocolate (brownies or cupcakes!) a few days ago... but that's passed. I think I've gained about five pounds back now of the 18 that I lost with my sickness. I've been reading a lot of postings on baby/parenting websites from women who were about my weight when they first got pregnant (due the same month as I am) who have gained 30-40 pounds or more and am actually pretty glad that I was sick for so long and lost the weight that I did. It definitely wasn't anything I wish to experience again, but I'm hopeful that I'll only have 10 or 20 pounds to lose instead of 30-50! Then again, I tend to think that I've gained a lot of will power and self-control over the last year or so when it comes to refraining from stuffing myself with junk. :P So I'm sure that makes a difference, too.
Over the last few weeks, I've managed to turn my sadness around as to having a boy. I've found several cute little outfits and have been doing a lot of reflecting on the little boys that I know and have known over the years. Now I just can't wait to meet him! :) I've also been doing a lot of thinking about gender stereotypes and hope we can find a good balance. I have a lot of pastel yellow and pastel green outfits for his first several months (along with some more "traditional" colors and "boy" styles), but it's pretty hard finding gender-neutral clothing after the age of one or two. I bought a light pink polo shirt yesterday at Target (for 3-6 months) that has a simple neckline, white buttons, plain sleeves, and a little red crab embroidered on it. It's a cute summer shirt that I personally think could be for either a boy or a girl... although I'm sure I know what strangers will think when they see him in it... "Oh, what a cute little girl!". I bought the blue one that's just like it and it has a whale on it. I would've bought both of them if I was having a girl, too. We'll see what Dave has to say. Not that it'll matter much to me, though. I'll let the little guy choose for himself. :) As far as the "big picture", though, it's not just about the colors.
On Sunday, I started feeling him kick and even saw my tummy move at one point! I've felt him moving around just about every day now, and it's so exciting and reassuring. He seems to be more active in the evening and at nighttime. Hopefully that's not an indicator of how his sleeping pattern is going to be when he arrives!
I'm approaching the six month marker soon. It's seems like the time has gone by pretty fast, but four more months seems like an eternity! I'm just now starting to show... if I wore skin-tight clothes. Most people who don't know me probably have no clue that I'm pregnant, though. I look the same now as I did pre-pregnancy. I can tell, though... and that's all that really matters. I'm sure I'll probably look/feel HUGE by the end, and I'm really not in any hurry to experience everything that goes along with that. :P
Saturday, August 22, 2009
Ultrasound #2 - Nervousness and News
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On August 14th, Dave and I went to my second ultrasound appointment. This one was the possible gender-determining one... and I was a bit nervous. Ever since high school, I've always wanted a little girl if I ever had kids. My mother and I share such a wonderful bond, and I've always hoped to continue this with my own little girl. I always imagined the Four-Generations-of-Women pictures with Grandma, my mom, me, and my little girl... of having those heart-felt mother-daughter talks... of listening to her thoughts and expressions as she played with her girl friends... of being there for her when the first boy broke her heart. I almost wanted the baby's gender to be a secret until the baby was born so that I wouldn't feel depressed or despondent if it was a boy. But then I figured it would probably be best to find out so that I could mentally prepare myself for a boy if that's what the little one ended up being. Maybe that sounds terrible. A lot of women claim that they don't care what gender their baby is "as long as it's healthy", but that wasn't the case for me. There's just something about little girls (in my mind).
Anyway... so we found out the baby's gender, and I'm feeling like a horrible mommy right now. I've always wanted a little girl, but I'm having a boy. I know it's always only a 50-50 chance, but a tear streaked down my face when the doctor announced that. I came home and cried for a good half hour and still think about how different things will be from what I had hoped. Dave kind of wanted a girl, but he's just super-excited to finally know the gender and is ready to go out and start buying stuff. He tried to be understanding and consoling and to get me to think positive (or the baby's going to "know" and "feel (my) emotions"), but I just can't help it. I know I'm going to love our little monster as soon as I see him, but it's just a little hard right now. We waited so long to have children (we've been together for over 15 years) that I'm pretty sure that this will be our only child. And i'm not sure if i'd even WANT to try again for "fear" of having yet another boy. Not to mention the horrid morning sickness or our financial situation. Sigh.
I feel I have no clue how to be a "boy mommy". It seems having a girl would be easier just since I've been one. Does that sound silly? Honestly, I don't think it does. I've always hated the stereotypes that boys are "rough-and-tumble" and less prone to thoughtfulness while girls are gentle, kind, and innately compassionate. I know that either sex can grow up to acquire and posses an infinite mix of traits... but I don't know. From what I've experienced in life and seen at the school where I work, the stereotypes are true (for the most part).
I've talked to a few moms in person and online - several who felt this way themselves with the birth of their firstborn -, and everyone says that "you'll love him the minute you see him". Almost all of them agreed, though, that it's alright to feel this way... to grieve for "the dream of your little girl" essentially dying - especially if you're fairly certain that you will only have one child in your lifetime. It's been a week since the appointment and I'm starting to come to terms with having a little guy instead. I have a feeling, though, that I'll always be wondering "what if" and feeling that longing whenever I see a girl his age.
Aside from all of that...
The doctor noted that I have Placenta Previa - a condition where your placenta blocks your uterus. I don't recall what position it was in (fully covering the uterus - "complete" - or just to the side - "partial"), though. I want to call soon and find out. I guess it's a fairly common finding and that, for most women, it generally moves out of the way by the time the baby's due. But I've also read that if it's fully covering, it usually stays there and the baby has to be delivered by c-section. I'm really scared/nervous about this as I really DON'T want to have a c-section. I guess if it doesn't move, though, there's really no other choice.
Another slight scare - all of my blood work/tests came back normal, but they found a bright spot on the baby's heart which I believe they said is a calcium build-up that may dissolve with time... but that this spot is also commonly an indicator of Down Syndrome. I'm 34, so there's only a 1 in 10,000 risk. With this finding, though, they're lowering the odds to 1 in 5,000. Which is still pretty good odds for the baby to NOT have Down's, but I'm just really nervous. Dave's confident about just thinking positive and "knowing" that everything is going to be alright "because it's our baby and he's going to be perfect". I just cross my fingers and hope for the best from everything.
On August 14th, Dave and I went to my second ultrasound appointment. This one was the possible gender-determining one... and I was a bit nervous. Ever since high school, I've always wanted a little girl if I ever had kids. My mother and I share such a wonderful bond, and I've always hoped to continue this with my own little girl. I always imagined the Four-Generations-of-Women pictures with Grandma, my mom, me, and my little girl... of having those heart-felt mother-daughter talks... of listening to her thoughts and expressions as she played with her girl friends... of being there for her when the first boy broke her heart. I almost wanted the baby's gender to be a secret until the baby was born so that I wouldn't feel depressed or despondent if it was a boy. But then I figured it would probably be best to find out so that I could mentally prepare myself for a boy if that's what the little one ended up being. Maybe that sounds terrible. A lot of women claim that they don't care what gender their baby is "as long as it's healthy", but that wasn't the case for me. There's just something about little girls (in my mind).
Anyway... so we found out the baby's gender, and I'm feeling like a horrible mommy right now. I've always wanted a little girl, but I'm having a boy. I know it's always only a 50-50 chance, but a tear streaked down my face when the doctor announced that. I came home and cried for a good half hour and still think about how different things will be from what I had hoped. Dave kind of wanted a girl, but he's just super-excited to finally know the gender and is ready to go out and start buying stuff. He tried to be understanding and consoling and to get me to think positive (or the baby's going to "know" and "feel (my) emotions"), but I just can't help it. I know I'm going to love our little monster as soon as I see him, but it's just a little hard right now. We waited so long to have children (we've been together for over 15 years) that I'm pretty sure that this will be our only child. And i'm not sure if i'd even WANT to try again for "fear" of having yet another boy. Not to mention the horrid morning sickness or our financial situation. Sigh.
I feel I have no clue how to be a "boy mommy". It seems having a girl would be easier just since I've been one. Does that sound silly? Honestly, I don't think it does. I've always hated the stereotypes that boys are "rough-and-tumble" and less prone to thoughtfulness while girls are gentle, kind, and innately compassionate. I know that either sex can grow up to acquire and posses an infinite mix of traits... but I don't know. From what I've experienced in life and seen at the school where I work, the stereotypes are true (for the most part).
I've talked to a few moms in person and online - several who felt this way themselves with the birth of their firstborn -, and everyone says that "you'll love him the minute you see him". Almost all of them agreed, though, that it's alright to feel this way... to grieve for "the dream of your little girl" essentially dying - especially if you're fairly certain that you will only have one child in your lifetime. It's been a week since the appointment and I'm starting to come to terms with having a little guy instead. I have a feeling, though, that I'll always be wondering "what if" and feeling that longing whenever I see a girl his age.
Aside from all of that...
The doctor noted that I have Placenta Previa - a condition where your placenta blocks your uterus. I don't recall what position it was in (fully covering the uterus - "complete" - or just to the side - "partial"), though. I want to call soon and find out. I guess it's a fairly common finding and that, for most women, it generally moves out of the way by the time the baby's due. But I've also read that if it's fully covering, it usually stays there and the baby has to be delivered by c-section. I'm really scared/nervous about this as I really DON'T want to have a c-section. I guess if it doesn't move, though, there's really no other choice.
Another slight scare - all of my blood work/tests came back normal, but they found a bright spot on the baby's heart which I believe they said is a calcium build-up that may dissolve with time... but that this spot is also commonly an indicator of Down Syndrome. I'm 34, so there's only a 1 in 10,000 risk. With this finding, though, they're lowering the odds to 1 in 5,000. Which is still pretty good odds for the baby to NOT have Down's, but I'm just really nervous. Dave's confident about just thinking positive and "knowing" that everything is going to be alright "because it's our baby and he's going to be perfect". I just cross my fingers and hope for the best from everything.
Sunday, August 9, 2009
Time Keeps Ticking Away
Summer's almost over. :( How can August be here already?
Well, I only have two more free days after today before school starts up again. I'm glad that I had the summer to lay around and do nothing but be sick, but I'm frustrated that that's how I spent practically my ENTIRE summer. No road trips. No trips to the park. I made a trip or two to Carbondale to visit Dave and some friends, but for the most part... I ended up spending just about every day feeling nauseous and/or getting sick. I couldn't even stand moving around enough to take the dogs for a walk. When it's been hot, I haven't even been able to tolerate just standing outside to throw Buddha the ball. Sigh.
So, I spent a lot of time reading. I've probably read more just this summer than I have for the past three or four years combined. (Sad, I know.) I should have checked out some newer stuff or some "classics" from the library, but I wasn't organized or motivated enough to do that. Instead, I just read a few books that Dave and I have had in our collections for a while now. Nothing fantastic. I think I probably enjoyed "Midwives" by Chris Bohjalian the most. It's the story of a midwife in Vermont and the events that lead up to her trial on charges of manslaughter (of a woman under her care). I've had this book for years and started reading it several times, but now I'm finally done. Good story.
I'm nervous about starting work and still having dizzy spells and nausea/sickness that comes out of the blue. Lots of women work throughout their pregnancy despite everything, though, so I guess I just need to "buck up" and get used to the idea. Maybe my little guys' work station will be right next to the bathroom again this year so I won't have far to go if the "sickies" decide to attack without notice.
I went to Trader Joe's and Whole Foods this weekend and stocked up a little on snacks and lunch foods for work. I bought some noodle bowls, a frozen meal dish, some hummus and mini pita breads, mini bagels and Tofutti cream cheese, vegan jerky, soy yogurts, and a few nutrition bars among other things. I should probably cook up some chick'n and veggie soup tonight so that I can have some additional homemade stuff to freeze for lunches as the weeks go by. In the freezer right now, I just have one dish of veg. chili, a couple bowls of frozen rotini noodles (to add beans, kale, olive oil, and balsamic vinegar or whatever to when the day comes to bring it in for lunch), and three or four small dishes of vegetable pilaf (to have along with a veggie burger or chick'n patty or something). I'm still at the point right now, though, of having food aversions. What sounds good one day may not sound good the next. I guess I'll just have to bring in a few things - along with some snack foods - and store them in our room (we have a fridge in there) so that I'll have a few options from which to choose each day. Everyone always fills up the freezer with their WeightWatchers or Lean Cuisine meals, so maybe if I'm on top of it on the first day there'll actually be room for my stuff, too. :P
The possible gender-determining ultrasound is just days away... five to be exact. Fingers crossed that the little one will actually let us see it's nether-regions... and that it's a girl. ;)
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Sunday, July 26, 2009
All Pregnant and Nowhere To Go
I had another appointment on Thursday. This had to be the most aggravating appointment yet. I was scheduled to be seen at 2:45pm and arrived right on time. We sat in the almost filled-to-capacity waiting room... and sat... and sat... and sat. I went up to the front desk and mentioned my appointment time and the fact that it was already 3:30. The receptionist took a look at my doctor's patient tray and responded that there was one patient ahead of me and then the doctor would see me. WTF?!?! What's the point of scheduling an appointment time if there's STILL going to be another person before me FORTY-FIVE minutes AFTER I'm already supposed to be SEEN! UUUURGH! Finally, about ten minutes later, a nurse calls me back. She takes my blood pressure, my weight, and then leads me down the hall to the doctor's office... where she tells me... you guessed it... that there's one person ahead of me and then the doctor would be with me. FUCK! So, we wait... and wait... and wait... and wait. About twenty minutes later, the doctor comes in, checks out the baby's heartbeat, feels where my uterus if, tells me it's right where it should be, and asks me if I have any questions. And that was it. The entire visit with the doctor and the nurse took a total of about fifteen minutes, yet we were at the clinic for an hour and forty-five minutes!!!!! GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!
Sigh.
It was cool to hear the heartbeat again and to hear the muffled static noise which the doctor said was the baby kicking. I still haven't felt anything yet myself, but that may be a few more weeks anyway. In three weeks, I go in for the (possible) gender-determining ultrasound. I'm excited, but...
Dave and I are really getting nervous about our living situation with the baby coming. We've decided that the best thing to do for now would be to save up our money and look for a place to rent for a few years until our credit scores improve. (Did I already write about this in my last entry?) As much as people try to convince me that I need to just stay here since I have insurance with the school and already have a relationship established with these doctors... it's just not an option. There's nowhere up here for the baby. My dad decided last night that he needs the office for all of his stuff and furniture that he's already started buying for when we move out, so we had to move all of our stored stuff and my crafty materials out of there and move it into our bedroom and into the family room (taking up even *more* of the dogs' already limited Dad-imposed confined space). So our little bedroom now has a queen bed, a dresser, a small side table, four bookcases (of varying heights), and a couple of Rubbermaid storage boxes in it. There's not enough space in our bedroom even for a bassinet let alone a crib. No, staying here is NOT an option.
If I quit my job and move down there in, say, November... hmm... or if I start my maternity leave at the beginning of December, I'll still be covered by my insurance until the baby's born. And then I guess... I don't know. I won't have a job down there and we won't be able to afford to keep up with insurance payments along with rent and the other bills on one income. I could try to apply for state assistance, but I don't know anything about that as far as medical stuff goes. Does Dave make too much for us to qualify? Does the state cover kids under 18 if the parents don't have insurance through their work (which Dave doesn't)? Will I be able to earn Unemployment due to moving out of the area? Does the state expect new mothers to start looking for employment immediately after giving birth? What am I going to do about child care if I have to work?
I'm still waking up throughout the night and unable to fall back to sleep for over an hour most times. And now, these questions and possible scenarios start playing through my head every time I wake up. A friend proposed the idea that maybe some (or much) of my nausea all of this time has been spurred by all of this worry and stress of the unknown. There's so much uncertainty in my life right now. I know we'll figure something out in time and we'll make it work somehow. We always do. It's just all so frustrating and panic-inducing right now.
*Here's where I remind myself to breathe.*
Tuesday, July 21, 2009
Blah blah blah...
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Well, the day after my last post, the sickness came back. Not full force mind you but enough to let me know that I'm not "over the hump" yet. If I ever *will* be. Grrr. Generally, I'll have a few good-eating days and then be nauseous and sick the next and then queasy for another day or two. Other days, like today, I'll be feeling fine all day and then get sick out of nowhere. I was actually feeling so good today, that I was considering taking the dogs for a walk for the first time since I've been pregnant. Ugh. Not any more. It's really quite annoying.
I have my next doctor's appointment on Thursday. Not sure what to expect with this one. The appointment scheduler just said it would be with an OB, but she didn't have any idea what might be discussed or anything. It's too early for the gender-determining ultrasound, so that's not it. Maybe it's for the screening tests to rule out possible birth defects? If it is, though, I read that the "triple screen" or "quad screen" has a high rate of giving false positives.
"The triple screen test is the least invasive of all prenatal tests, but it has a high rate of false positives, which incorrectly indicate risk in healthy pregnancies, resulting in weeks of anxiety while further tests are evaluated. Between 96 and 98 percent of women who first receive a positive triple screen result will go on to have normal babies, making the risks of this test emotional rather than physical."
So, I'm not sure I'm up for that. According to several sites I've looked at, the quad screen is performed between the 16th to 18th week of pregnancy, and I'll be about 15 1/2 on Thursday. I'll have to talk it over with Dave and a few others and see what they think. One of my friends in Seattle had this done and they had her worrying for weeks that her baby was going to be born with a cleft palate and numerous other types of deformities or physical/mental disabilities... but he turned out completely healthy and happy. I really don't think I want all of that stress and anxiety. I mean, if the initial results were more accurate and didn't require additional blood work or other procedures and days/weeks of waiting, I'd feel more secure with it. It would be nice to be a little more mentally prepared for a child with special needs than to find out the day it's born, but... I don't know.
I went out for coffee with my mom over the weekend. Unbeknowst to me, it was all part of her plan to get me to create a baby registry and to buy me "appropriate" maternity clothes. My brother was all excited when he first learned I was pregnant and wanted me to register somewhere so he could get started on spoiling his little niece or nephew. So, I registered and then scouted out some clothes. I didn't actually find too many things that were specifically labeled as maternity wear (save for a pair of khakis with the preggo waist thingy, a nice blouse/shirt with long-sleeves and an empire waist, and two plain v-neck t-shirts)... mainly I just bought things in my normal pre-pregnancy size (since I've lost so much weight and am almost down a size) or one size larger than that. I'm sure once my belly starts growing and winter is on its way, I'll be out looking once again. For now, though, I think I'm all set.
The initial excitement of being pregnant is over. This is starting to seem like it's going to be an incredibly looooong wait. Six more months. Sigh. Well, at least I'm not an elephant, right? Twenty-two months is much too long of a commitment to being sick, tired, and excessively rotund.
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Well, the day after my last post, the sickness came back. Not full force mind you but enough to let me know that I'm not "over the hump" yet. If I ever *will* be. Grrr. Generally, I'll have a few good-eating days and then be nauseous and sick the next and then queasy for another day or two. Other days, like today, I'll be feeling fine all day and then get sick out of nowhere. I was actually feeling so good today, that I was considering taking the dogs for a walk for the first time since I've been pregnant. Ugh. Not any more. It's really quite annoying.
I have my next doctor's appointment on Thursday. Not sure what to expect with this one. The appointment scheduler just said it would be with an OB, but she didn't have any idea what might be discussed or anything. It's too early for the gender-determining ultrasound, so that's not it. Maybe it's for the screening tests to rule out possible birth defects? If it is, though, I read that the "triple screen" or "quad screen" has a high rate of giving false positives.
"The triple screen test is the least invasive of all prenatal tests, but it has a high rate of false positives, which incorrectly indicate risk in healthy pregnancies, resulting in weeks of anxiety while further tests are evaluated. Between 96 and 98 percent of women who first receive a positive triple screen result will go on to have normal babies, making the risks of this test emotional rather than physical."
So, I'm not sure I'm up for that. According to several sites I've looked at, the quad screen is performed between the 16th to 18th week of pregnancy, and I'll be about 15 1/2 on Thursday. I'll have to talk it over with Dave and a few others and see what they think. One of my friends in Seattle had this done and they had her worrying for weeks that her baby was going to be born with a cleft palate and numerous other types of deformities or physical/mental disabilities... but he turned out completely healthy and happy. I really don't think I want all of that stress and anxiety. I mean, if the initial results were more accurate and didn't require additional blood work or other procedures and days/weeks of waiting, I'd feel more secure with it. It would be nice to be a little more mentally prepared for a child with special needs than to find out the day it's born, but... I don't know.
I went out for coffee with my mom over the weekend. Unbeknowst to me, it was all part of her plan to get me to create a baby registry and to buy me "appropriate" maternity clothes. My brother was all excited when he first learned I was pregnant and wanted me to register somewhere so he could get started on spoiling his little niece or nephew. So, I registered and then scouted out some clothes. I didn't actually find too many things that were specifically labeled as maternity wear (save for a pair of khakis with the preggo waist thingy, a nice blouse/shirt with long-sleeves and an empire waist, and two plain v-neck t-shirts)... mainly I just bought things in my normal pre-pregnancy size (since I've lost so much weight and am almost down a size) or one size larger than that. I'm sure once my belly starts growing and winter is on its way, I'll be out looking once again. For now, though, I think I'm all set.
The initial excitement of being pregnant is over. This is starting to seem like it's going to be an incredibly looooong wait. Six more months. Sigh. Well, at least I'm not an elephant, right? Twenty-two months is much too long of a commitment to being sick, tired, and excessively rotund.
Wednesday, July 15, 2009
It Feels So Good To Eat Again! Now If Only I Could Get a Good Night's Sleep!
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Today marks Day 5 of almost normal eating! I'm not sure if this is just a temporary reprieve or if my all-day-long morning sickness is finally bidding me "farewell" for now... but I'm happy whatever the case may be! I've missed eating food so much! Well, that is, I've missed eating food and having it actually TASTE good and having it actually stay in my stomach for the most part. I've actually been eating a fairly typical breakfast, lunch, and dinner and then eating a light snack in between there somewhere. Food is good.
For now, I'm giving all of the credit to Jolly Ranchers and Blow Pops (from Charms!). Yep, I credit artificially colored and flavored sugary candies with calming my pregnancy nausea. And yes, I've researched and supposedly they're both vegan. I read a few places that sucking on hard candies can help the nausea, so I decided to give it a shot. I'd heard about Preggo Pops, but then I found out that they're kinda pricey and essentially nothing more than naturally flavored/sweetened lollipops. I generally avoid candy and super sugary stuff and especially have since the nausea started... but the nausea just happened to go away shortly after Dave bought me a bag of Jolly Ranchers. Oh, but I only like the cherry and watermelon flavors... so Dave gets the rest.
My mind is sort of at a lull in thinking baby thoughts. I've always been fairly pudgy... and with having lost almost twenty pounds... I really can't tell if I have a "baby bump" or not. I definitely don't need to worry about buying any maternity clothes right now since my prepregnancy clothes are fitting even better than before. My mom and I have already been baby shopping, so I have a bunch of cute little onesies and newborn clothes as well as a few other things. I don't even know where I'll be living when the baby's born, so there's no nursery or special area to "set up". I have another check-up appointment next week, but the gender-determining ultrasound won't be until another week or two after that. Everything's just kind of "meh".
My back has been starting to hurt lately, but I have no one here to massage it. I'm trying to sleep on my left side as much as possible (like the baby doctors all recommend), but my left hip feels like it's all bruised and sore. I try to sleep with it slightly angled or put a whole pillow under my hip to help a little, and I guess it works halfway decent. Like a lot of other mommies, I've been having very vivid dreams that wake me up in the middle of the night... and then I can't fall back to sleep for an hour or so afterward. So I end up sleeping in for about two or three hours more than usual in the morning.
The prospects of obtaining any kind of loan for a house are starting to look slim. School (work) starts in just over a month, and I'm really not looking forward to going back to work while being pregnant. I really wasn't wanting to be back there period, but it doesn't look like there's going to be much of a choice now once again. Don't get me wrong, I have great co-workers and the kids aren't too bad (sometimes)... I just want to be with my husband! And I don't know how I'm going to manage getting up early for work in the morning if those crazy dreams keep up. I'll have to start going to bed at 8 o'clock or something! Urgh!
Hopefully Dave and I will be able to save up enough money after I start work again to have enough for first/last/deposit on a place to rent by at least October or November. We don't want to have to essentially throw our money away every month, but I think we're going to have to for another year or two until we can get our credit reports polished up. I cannot be a single mom... no... I refuse to be a single mom when I have a husband who's so incredibly excited to be a father.
I guess that's all for now. I think mood swings have officially started. Fun fun.
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Today marks Day 5 of almost normal eating! I'm not sure if this is just a temporary reprieve or if my all-day-long morning sickness is finally bidding me "farewell" for now... but I'm happy whatever the case may be! I've missed eating food so much! Well, that is, I've missed eating food and having it actually TASTE good and having it actually stay in my stomach for the most part. I've actually been eating a fairly typical breakfast, lunch, and dinner and then eating a light snack in between there somewhere. Food is good.
For now, I'm giving all of the credit to Jolly Ranchers and Blow Pops (from Charms!). Yep, I credit artificially colored and flavored sugary candies with calming my pregnancy nausea. And yes, I've researched and supposedly they're both vegan. I read a few places that sucking on hard candies can help the nausea, so I decided to give it a shot. I'd heard about Preggo Pops, but then I found out that they're kinda pricey and essentially nothing more than naturally flavored/sweetened lollipops. I generally avoid candy and super sugary stuff and especially have since the nausea started... but the nausea just happened to go away shortly after Dave bought me a bag of Jolly Ranchers. Oh, but I only like the cherry and watermelon flavors... so Dave gets the rest.
My mind is sort of at a lull in thinking baby thoughts. I've always been fairly pudgy... and with having lost almost twenty pounds... I really can't tell if I have a "baby bump" or not. I definitely don't need to worry about buying any maternity clothes right now since my prepregnancy clothes are fitting even better than before. My mom and I have already been baby shopping, so I have a bunch of cute little onesies and newborn clothes as well as a few other things. I don't even know where I'll be living when the baby's born, so there's no nursery or special area to "set up". I have another check-up appointment next week, but the gender-determining ultrasound won't be until another week or two after that. Everything's just kind of "meh".
My back has been starting to hurt lately, but I have no one here to massage it. I'm trying to sleep on my left side as much as possible (like the baby doctors all recommend), but my left hip feels like it's all bruised and sore. I try to sleep with it slightly angled or put a whole pillow under my hip to help a little, and I guess it works halfway decent. Like a lot of other mommies, I've been having very vivid dreams that wake me up in the middle of the night... and then I can't fall back to sleep for an hour or so afterward. So I end up sleeping in for about two or three hours more than usual in the morning.
The prospects of obtaining any kind of loan for a house are starting to look slim. School (work) starts in just over a month, and I'm really not looking forward to going back to work while being pregnant. I really wasn't wanting to be back there period, but it doesn't look like there's going to be much of a choice now once again. Don't get me wrong, I have great co-workers and the kids aren't too bad (sometimes)... I just want to be with my husband! And I don't know how I'm going to manage getting up early for work in the morning if those crazy dreams keep up. I'll have to start going to bed at 8 o'clock or something! Urgh!
Hopefully Dave and I will be able to save up enough money after I start work again to have enough for first/last/deposit on a place to rent by at least October or November. We don't want to have to essentially throw our money away every month, but I think we're going to have to for another year or two until we can get our credit reports polished up. I cannot be a single mom... no... I refuse to be a single mom when I have a husband who's so incredibly excited to be a father.
I guess that's all for now. I think mood swings have officially started. Fun fun.
Tuesday, July 7, 2009
...and the days drag on
being constantly nauseous is really getting on my nerves. some days i can't even drink water without it coming right back up. i'm so dehydrated that my lips are dry and cracking/peeling. i want to just grab a big, tall glass of ice water and chug it down, but i know that would be a BIG mistake. i can't focus on much for very long anymore - books, tv, the computer screen - and don't have the strength or energy to do anything more than the basics when it comes to doing anything around the house. the dogs need a walk, but i can't do much more than give them a sympathetic look and pet their fur for a while.
i was supposed to meet up with my co-workers from school today for lunch, but i hadn't been able to keep anything down all morning. not that i had to go there and force myself to actually eat anything, but i'd been getting sick all morning and didn't want to risk being sick while trying to get out of the house for a while.
the weather's been so beautiful lately - sunny, cool, no humidity -, but i don't have the stomach to sit outside and enjoy it. this all really sucks. the days drag on, and it seems like the nausea will never go away. i swear... whoever finds a cure for "morning sickness" is going to be a billionaire.
i was supposed to meet up with my co-workers from school today for lunch, but i hadn't been able to keep anything down all morning. not that i had to go there and force myself to actually eat anything, but i'd been getting sick all morning and didn't want to risk being sick while trying to get out of the house for a while.
the weather's been so beautiful lately - sunny, cool, no humidity -, but i don't have the stomach to sit outside and enjoy it. this all really sucks. the days drag on, and it seems like the nausea will never go away. i swear... whoever finds a cure for "morning sickness" is going to be a billionaire.
Friday, July 3, 2009
Will the Sickness Ever End?
I'm just about at the end of my first trimester - the point at which the nausea is supposed to start subsiding... for most women. I sit around hoping that I won't end up being among the small subset of women who are sick throughout their entire pregnancy. I try to think positive, but that's pretty hard to do when one can't even drink water or tea without puking. I'm starting to rethink the whole prenatal-vitamins-causing-sickness idea and will probably start on them again soon. It seemed to be helping for a while, but now it seems like the baby just truly doesn't like anything. And it's likely best that the baby get some nutrition with the vitamin instead of virtually none at all. The only thing with that is trying to find a time of day when I won't end up losing the vitamin directly to the toilet as well.
With school out for the summer, I'm temporarily unemployed and thus without a paycheck. It's a good thing that the school year ended when it did since that's when the nausea started becoming an issue, but it's going to be rough trying to make it through an entire summer with bills to pay and with my bank account quickly dwindling. I applied for a position at a child care center, but I'm not sure if my body would even be able to tolerate a full work day again at the moment. The sickness used to be mainly in the evening, but now it's extremely random.
I always had this idea that I would be very "Earth Momma"-ish whenever I got pregnant. That I would love almost every minute of it (until the last few months) and be "in tune" with the baby. It all seems so silly now. I hope, though, that eventually my pregnancy becomes something a little more joyous than all of these trips to the bathroom are proving to be.
With school out for the summer, I'm temporarily unemployed and thus without a paycheck. It's a good thing that the school year ended when it did since that's when the nausea started becoming an issue, but it's going to be rough trying to make it through an entire summer with bills to pay and with my bank account quickly dwindling. I applied for a position at a child care center, but I'm not sure if my body would even be able to tolerate a full work day again at the moment. The sickness used to be mainly in the evening, but now it's extremely random.
I always had this idea that I would be very "Earth Momma"-ish whenever I got pregnant. That I would love almost every minute of it (until the last few months) and be "in tune" with the baby. It all seems so silly now. I hope, though, that eventually my pregnancy becomes something a little more joyous than all of these trips to the bathroom are proving to be.
Tuesday, June 30, 2009
Heartbeats and Ultrasounds
A few weeks ago, I had my first official pregnancy visit with my OB/GYN. An intern saw me first and tried to find the heartbeat with no success. A while later, the doctor came in and was able to find it relatively quickly. It was pretty amazing to hear the fast thumping of another little heart inside me, but even after that... it all still seemed so surreal.
I talked with him about my constant nausea and vomiting and got his "OK" to discontinue my prenatal vitamins for a while to see if that helped. (I've lost over ten pounds since I became pregnant thanks to all of the sickness.) I tried checking into the chewable Flintstone vitamins, but they have gelatin in them as well as a host of different sweeteners that I'd rather stay away from. I'll have to look into vegan brands, but I really don't have much extra money right now with not having a paycheck over the summer. Not taking the vitamins seems to have helped a bit. I'm not nauseous all day long like I had been for weeks on end. Now I'm actually fairly alright for a day or two, although the smell of most foods still repulses me and I'm not able to eat very much.
This past Thursday, we went in for my first ultrasound. I layed back on the examining chair and the doctor/nurse told me to watch the screen on top of the cabinet in front of me. For a while, all that we could see was just black-and-white fuzziness, but then... I reached out and grasped Dave's hand. There was our little one floating around in his little fluid-filled coccoon! My heart swelled as I watched it moving around - the tiny hands and skeletal head. The nurse needed to get three pictures at specific angles, but Baby T wanted nothing to do with that - already a combination of Dave's stubborness and my shyness. No matter which way I rolled or how many times the nurse went back and forth over my belly with the magical ultrasound wand thingy, the baby turned away or shielded its face from her view. It took a good thirty minutes or more to get the pictures that she needed. We had brought in a DVD and she inserted it into the machine as soon as she began, so we have a recording of the entire "show". Seeing all of this for so long made my pregnancy seem much more real, but it seems like the full impact won't truly set in until my belly actually starts to grow.
I'm about 12 weeks along right now - nearing the end of my first trimester. I hope the nausea goes away soon so that I can start eating normally again. Although I still don't even want to imagine the smells right now, I miss cooking so much! I miss my healthy foods - my veggies, my black bean burritos, my berries, and my grains! I miss my comfort foods - my homemade goodies, my vegan ice cream, my vegan chocolate chips, and chocolate almond milk! (I know, I know... almond milk isn't "food", but it is a "comfort" thing for me!) I miss eating... period!
I won't have another doctor's appointment for about another month, and I'm hoping to start gaining at least a little weight back by then. It would be nice to not gain more than twenty pounds from where I'm at right now and only have about ten pounds to lose after the baby's born (to be back to my original pre-pregnancy weight, anyway). That's about as much weight as they say you should gain over the course of a pregnancy. I'm wondering how the whole losing weight bit will factor into that.
I've always loved looking at mommy-tummies growing month-by-month, but I likely won't be placing any of those on here... at least not until maybe the seventh month or so. I've never been happy with my belly anyway and since I haven't grown at all since finding out, I haven't bothered to snap any pictures yet. It'd be nice to have one or two nice black-and-whites at different stages, though. Maybe in a few months.
I talked with him about my constant nausea and vomiting and got his "OK" to discontinue my prenatal vitamins for a while to see if that helped. (I've lost over ten pounds since I became pregnant thanks to all of the sickness.) I tried checking into the chewable Flintstone vitamins, but they have gelatin in them as well as a host of different sweeteners that I'd rather stay away from. I'll have to look into vegan brands, but I really don't have much extra money right now with not having a paycheck over the summer. Not taking the vitamins seems to have helped a bit. I'm not nauseous all day long like I had been for weeks on end. Now I'm actually fairly alright for a day or two, although the smell of most foods still repulses me and I'm not able to eat very much.
This past Thursday, we went in for my first ultrasound. I layed back on the examining chair and the doctor/nurse told me to watch the screen on top of the cabinet in front of me. For a while, all that we could see was just black-and-white fuzziness, but then... I reached out and grasped Dave's hand. There was our little one floating around in his little fluid-filled coccoon! My heart swelled as I watched it moving around - the tiny hands and skeletal head. The nurse needed to get three pictures at specific angles, but Baby T wanted nothing to do with that - already a combination of Dave's stubborness and my shyness. No matter which way I rolled or how many times the nurse went back and forth over my belly with the magical ultrasound wand thingy, the baby turned away or shielded its face from her view. It took a good thirty minutes or more to get the pictures that she needed. We had brought in a DVD and she inserted it into the machine as soon as she began, so we have a recording of the entire "show". Seeing all of this for so long made my pregnancy seem much more real, but it seems like the full impact won't truly set in until my belly actually starts to grow.
I'm about 12 weeks along right now - nearing the end of my first trimester. I hope the nausea goes away soon so that I can start eating normally again. Although I still don't even want to imagine the smells right now, I miss cooking so much! I miss my healthy foods - my veggies, my black bean burritos, my berries, and my grains! I miss my comfort foods - my homemade goodies, my vegan ice cream, my vegan chocolate chips, and chocolate almond milk! (I know, I know... almond milk isn't "food", but it is a "comfort" thing for me!) I miss eating... period!
I won't have another doctor's appointment for about another month, and I'm hoping to start gaining at least a little weight back by then. It would be nice to not gain more than twenty pounds from where I'm at right now and only have about ten pounds to lose after the baby's born (to be back to my original pre-pregnancy weight, anyway). That's about as much weight as they say you should gain over the course of a pregnancy. I'm wondering how the whole losing weight bit will factor into that.
I've always loved looking at mommy-tummies growing month-by-month, but I likely won't be placing any of those on here... at least not until maybe the seventh month or so. I've never been happy with my belly anyway and since I haven't grown at all since finding out, I haven't bothered to snap any pictures yet. It'd be nice to have one or two nice black-and-whites at different stages, though. Maybe in a few months.
Wednesday, June 10, 2009
Welcome to the Blog for Baby T
On Mother's Day, I took the first home pregnancy test that told me my life was about to change. Dave didn't know if he could trust something that told you anything that important just by "peeing on a stick". I took another one two days later and told him, "Well, I'm still pregnant." He was elated and couldn't wait to tell everyone, but he still wasn't 100% satisfied until I got the official result from a doctor.
After holding off for fifteen years (mostly at my insistence trying to wait for "the right time"), we'd been trying for a few months... and it happened pretty quickly. We're probably the only couple in our group of friends to have children so late in life, but I like to think that gives us a bit of an edge in some ways. Now I just have to hope that everything goes alright with my pregnancy and that we have a healthy baby.
Eating hasn't been an easy thing. The first few weeks (before I knew) weren't a problem, but this last month I've been nauseous all day long. I've finally started forcing myself to eat, and I think it's actually helping. I've read that the nausea generally goes away after the first trimester for most women but that it lingers throughout the pregnancy for some women. I'm just crossing my fingers that I'm in the former camp.
My mom's been waiting for this for years - dropping hints and reminding me that there will never be a "perfect time". She's already been out hunting for cribs and is wanting to take me out soon to start looking for maternity clothes. At just a little over two months along and with the nausea causing me to lose over five pounds over the last two weeks, I'm not showing in the slightest yet. I know it won't be too long, but I really don't want to think about maternity clothes right now.
Aside from the nausea and constantly feeling exhausted, I'm not feeling any different yet. I know you're really not supposed to at this point, but for some reason I always thought that I'd know and that I would feel different. It's going to happen eventually (feeling and seeing the changes and raising this new life), but now I'm not sure if I'm ready for it.
It's scary thinking about adding a little human to our lives. We've always managed to scrape by and take care of ourselves and our animals one way or another, but this is truly going to be a drastic change. Not that we didn't think about that or realize it beforehand... just that it's different when you know it's actually going to happen. If that makes any sense. I always pictured myself as a parent someday, but I was starting to grow accustomed to the idea of Dave and I just being a happily married couple without kids. Now the uncertainty has been setting in, and I've been wondering about our future and the baby's. Life happens, and I'm sure we'll just deal with everything as it comes... but it's hard to stop stressing about something so life altering.
In other thoughts, I think I need to get Dave to watch some more Super Nanny episodes. :P
After holding off for fifteen years (mostly at my insistence trying to wait for "the right time"), we'd been trying for a few months... and it happened pretty quickly. We're probably the only couple in our group of friends to have children so late in life, but I like to think that gives us a bit of an edge in some ways. Now I just have to hope that everything goes alright with my pregnancy and that we have a healthy baby.
Eating hasn't been an easy thing. The first few weeks (before I knew) weren't a problem, but this last month I've been nauseous all day long. I've finally started forcing myself to eat, and I think it's actually helping. I've read that the nausea generally goes away after the first trimester for most women but that it lingers throughout the pregnancy for some women. I'm just crossing my fingers that I'm in the former camp.
My mom's been waiting for this for years - dropping hints and reminding me that there will never be a "perfect time". She's already been out hunting for cribs and is wanting to take me out soon to start looking for maternity clothes. At just a little over two months along and with the nausea causing me to lose over five pounds over the last two weeks, I'm not showing in the slightest yet. I know it won't be too long, but I really don't want to think about maternity clothes right now.
Aside from the nausea and constantly feeling exhausted, I'm not feeling any different yet. I know you're really not supposed to at this point, but for some reason I always thought that I'd know and that I would feel different. It's going to happen eventually (feeling and seeing the changes and raising this new life), but now I'm not sure if I'm ready for it.
It's scary thinking about adding a little human to our lives. We've always managed to scrape by and take care of ourselves and our animals one way or another, but this is truly going to be a drastic change. Not that we didn't think about that or realize it beforehand... just that it's different when you know it's actually going to happen. If that makes any sense. I always pictured myself as a parent someday, but I was starting to grow accustomed to the idea of Dave and I just being a happily married couple without kids. Now the uncertainty has been setting in, and I've been wondering about our future and the baby's. Life happens, and I'm sure we'll just deal with everything as it comes... but it's hard to stop stressing about something so life altering.
In other thoughts, I think I need to get Dave to watch some more Super Nanny episodes. :P
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