All Pregnant and Nowhere To Go

I had another appointment on Thursday. This had to be the most aggravating appointment yet. I was scheduled to be seen at 2:45pm and arrived right on time. We sat in the almost filled-to-capacity waiting room... and sat... and sat... and sat. I went up to the front desk and mentioned my appointment time and the fact that it was already 3:30. The receptionist took a look at my doctor's patient tray and responded that there was one patient ahead of me and then the doctor would see me. WTF?!?! What's the point of scheduling an appointment time if there's STILL going to be another person before me FORTY-FIVE minutes AFTER I'm already supposed to be SEEN! UUUURGH! Finally, about ten minutes later, a nurse calls me back. She takes my blood pressure, my weight, and then leads me down the hall to the doctor's office... where she tells me... you guessed it... that there's one person ahead of me and then the doctor would be with me. FUCK! So, we wait... and wait... and wait... and wait. About twenty minutes later, the doctor comes in, checks out the baby's heartbeat, feels where my uterus if, tells me it's right where it should be, and asks me if I have any questions. And that was it. The entire visit with the doctor and the nurse took a total of about fifteen minutes, yet we were at the clinic for an hour and forty-five minutes!!!!! GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!

Sigh.

It was cool to hear the heartbeat again and to hear the muffled static noise which the doctor said was the baby kicking. I still haven't felt anything yet myself, but that may be a few more weeks anyway. In three weeks, I go in for the (possible) gender-determining ultrasound. I'm excited, but...


Dave and I are really getting nervous about our living situation with the baby coming. We've decided that the best thing to do for now would be to save up our money and look for a place to rent for a few years until our credit scores improve. (Did I already write about this in my last entry?) As much as people try to convince me that I need to just stay here since I have insurance with the school and already have a relationship established with these doctors... it's just not an option. There's nowhere up here for the baby. My dad decided last night that he needs the office for all of his stuff and furniture that he's already started buying for when we move out, so we had to move all of our stored stuff and my crafty materials out of there and move it into our bedroom and into the family room (taking up even *more* of the dogs' already limited Dad-imposed confined space). So our little bedroom now has a queen bed, a dresser, a small side table, four bookcases (of varying heights), and a couple of Rubbermaid storage boxes in it. There's not enough space in our bedroom even for a bassinet let alone a crib. No, staying here is NOT an option.

If I quit my job and move down there in, say, November... hmm... or if I start my maternity leave at the beginning of December, I'll still be covered by my insurance until the baby's born. And then I guess... I don't know. I won't have a job down there and we won't be able to afford to keep up with insurance payments along with rent and the other bills on one income. I could try to apply for state assistance, but I don't know anything about that as far as medical stuff goes. Does Dave make too much for us to qualify? Does the state cover kids under 18 if the parents don't have insurance through their work (which Dave doesn't)? Will I be able to earn Unemployment due to moving out of the area? Does the state expect new mothers to start looking for employment immediately after giving birth? What am I going to do about child care if I have to work?

I'm still waking up throughout the night and unable to fall back to sleep for over an hour most times. And now, these questions and possible scenarios start playing through my head every time I wake up. A friend proposed the idea that maybe some (or much) of my nausea all of this time has been spurred by all of this worry and stress of the unknown. There's so much uncertainty in my life right now. I know we'll figure something out in time and we'll make it work somehow. We always do. It's just all so frustrating and panic-inducing right now.

*Here's where I remind myself to breathe.*